Nothing in New York nightlife is as mutable as the club scene. In this world, hot spots don't even get 15 minutes of fame -- their time in the limelight is usually more like a commercial break.

First things first: Finding and going to the latest hot spot is not worth agonizing over. Clubbers spend their lives obsessing over the scene. My rule of thumb is that if I know about a place, it must not be hip anymore. Even if I could tell you where the hippest club kids hang out today, they'll have moved on by the time you arrive in town.

"Clubs" as actual, physical spaces don't mean much anymore. The hungry-for-nightlife crowd now follows events of certain party "producers" who switch venues and times each week. A number of bars and lounges host "club" scenes on various nights of the week.

The tracking game is best left to the perennial party crowd who know the rest of the crowd as well as the guy at the door (who lets them in for free) and someone at the bar (who comps them drinks). You're not likely to get that well connected in your week of vacation. Just find someplace that amuses you, and enjoy the crowd that enjoys it with you.

I've concentrated on a wide variety of club scenes here, from performance artsy to perennially popular discos, most of which are generally easy to make your way into. Online sources that might score you discount admissions to select clubs include www.promony.com. You can also check newyork.sheckys.com for VIP guest list access.

No matter what, always call ahead, because schedules change constantly and can do so at the last minute. Even better: You also may be able to put your name on a guest list that will save you a few bucks at the door.

New York nightlife starts late. With the exception of places that have scheduled performances, clubs stay almost empty until about 11pm. Don't depend on plastic -- bring cash, and plan on dropping a wad at most places. Cover charges run anywhere from $7 to $30, and often get more expensive as the night wears on.

Getting Beyond the Velvet Rope--If you are somewhat masochistic, enjoy humiliation and ridicule, and are determined to get into that oh-so-trendy club you heard about back home, here are a few pointers that may help tip the scale in your favor:

Dress well and fashionably. Like it or not, the doorman is sizing you up to decide if you're hip enough to make the scene. If you want to get in, you have to play along.

Arrive early. Frankly, the bouncers are just not as vigilant at 9pm, when the place is half empty, as they are at 11pm -- and once you're inside, you're in for the night. Weeknights are also a better bet. Clubbers may tell you that eager beavers are disdained for arriving too early, but I find earlier to almost always be more successful than later.

Be polite. No matter how obnoxious the doorman may be, giving attitude back won't help. And who knows? You might just charm him with your winning personality.

Don't try to talk your way in. Don't drop names or make up some story to get in the door. These guys have heard it all. If you're not wanted, why bother? Take your business to a friendlier establishment, where you'll be happier in the long run.